The Novels of Roger Ellory and Writing in General

You will have gathered from my blogs over the last few months that my main loves in life in no particular order are family, serving the local community, music and literature. Today I turn the spotlight on literature and writing.

 Me, wife Anne and author Roger Ellory at Norwich Forum

Over the last two nights I have met two of the country's top authors. Mentioned Robert Goddard yesterday but last night met RJ (Roger) Ellory. I have read all Roger's books apart from his last two which are on my to read list for the next couple of months. I have put off reading them for a reason that he so succinctly gave in his talk. He was speaking about finding a book that you love. You can't put it down, you want to keep reading and devouring it as fast as possible but then you have to ration yourself because you don't want it to end. That's exactly the position I have found myself in with Roger's books. I hammered through the first seven but have left the last two in order to savour them. That probably sounds mad but I bet Roger understands.

Mr Ellory is a charming and gracious man who last night had time for a chat with everyone. He gave an excellent insight into the world of book publication and his struggle to make ends meet as debts mounted up along with rejection slips from publishers.

To me that could be a comment about publishers. Virtually every author you hear from has horror stories of hundreds of rejection slips before having a book published. This happened to JK Rowling and we all know what eventually happened to her Harry Potter series.

You only have to read one of Roger Ellory's books (try starting with the excellent Candlemoth to see that he is a classic crime writer and so much more than just a crime writer) to realise here is a highly styalised writer. His books paint pictures, his language is at times highly emotive and his plots are up there in the stratosphere. So why did so many publishers reject them, particularly in light of the fact that there is so much dross around? That is the 64 thousand dollar question. I don't use those words lightly as dollars give an interesting insight into his body of work. Roger is very unusual as he's an Englishman writing about American crime and eclipsing many American writers.

As he explained, he has always had a feel for America and its political systems. The result is nine top novels to date and more to come over the next few years. Before having Candlemoth published Roger had already written over 20 novels - all in longhand and many now residing in his loft. Here was a man on a mission who went through a period of disillusionment, but somehow hung on in there and eventually found success, partly through sheer determination and a belief in his own ability that never comes over as arrogance.

I have been in e-mail touch with Roger for a few years and he values his readers highly - which is exactly as it should be. Now that takes me onto writing.

As you know it is one of my obsessions. Just look at this blog which now runs to many thousands of words since I started it at the end of 2011. I sit and write every day and during the day things come into my mind to comment on. I am never short of ideas. Then for the past 39 years I have written a daily diary. These now amount to millions of words. So does that make me a writer? Well I like to think so because I also have various web sites including my personal one which features my writing on art, literature and music (including interviews with Roger Ellory) and another which includes stories and features from Hethersett and which is updated daily.

I currently have my village stories printed in three local newspapers on a weekly basis and over my many years as a journalist, wrote articles on general news, sport, music and the arts. So technically I suppose I am a writer of a kind. My articles don't appear on book shelves and most of them have long become fish and chip paper but over the years thousands of people have read what I have written. So perhaps I can be proud of being a writer and the internet has given me a fresh lease of life.

Today I'm off for a coffee at a nearby garden centre and then a visit into Norwich to get some photos printed and framed and then I might just spend the evening writing (okay I will definitely spend the evening writing).

The Sorry State of British Politics, England Cricket and Rudeness on the Golf Course

George Galloway yesterday won what he describes as the "most sensational victory in British political history" by winning the Bradford West by election. I know politicians are given to exaggeration but I don't think Galloway is too off the mark there. Make no mistake this was no great vote of confidence for Galloway but a massive vote against the three main parties. To be fair the Tories were never going to get anywhere in a former Labour stronghold such as Bradford but you would have expected the constituency to stay in the hands of the Socialists, perhaps with an increased majority due to disillusionment with the coalition and its policies.

I don't think anybody could have foreseen the actual result which saw Galloway's Respect party poll 18,341 to Labour's 8,201. Indeed the other six candidates only polled 14,470 votes between them. Irrespective of what you think of Galloway (and after his performance in Celebrity Big Brother I tend to think he's a bit of a prat) you have to admit that this was something out of the ordinary Okay it wouldn't have happened at a General Election and mid term there is always a protest against the Government in power, but this was a protest against the party in opposition.

So what does it say about the three main parties? To me it is a massive vote of no confidence in any of them. A massive vote that says "we are tired of hearing from you, we are tired of watching you destroy the fabric of the country, we are tired of your policies and your opposition and we don't really believe anything that any of you say."

This of course is extremely worrying. We have an unpopular Government that is doing so many things wrong, we have an opposition that isn't a credible alternative and we have a third party which has destroyed itself by becoming part of a coalition it probably had no right to be part of.

Which all leaves politics in a mess. It could be the first time, however, that the Great British Public (who are nowhere near as gullible as politicians think they are) have risen up and said "Basically we don't believe anything any of the three main parties say so we are going to protest vote." It will be interesting to see how David Cameron, Nick Clegg and Ed Miliband talk their way out of and get something positive out of this one. It must be particularly worrying for Miliband - I cannot ever remember a protest vote against the party in opposition, they must be doing something seriously seriously wrong. The Tories are hugely unpopular but it looks as if the Socialists are even more unpopular.

I'm now going to talk about rude people. The golf course seems to bring out the worst rudeness from people who obviously feel slightly superior to others. Yesterday I was playing nine holes with a friend. The pair in front had lost a ball and were continuing to look for it. So we decided to play through (they should have let us through anyway). As we passed them I offered some words of thanks and was met with a "We didn't have any choice you were pushing us." I have met with rudeness on a number of occasions on golf courses. One of my mantras is "we are all in life together. Life should be a people's partnership where kindness and care are the two overriding factors." I will try to remember this the next time I'm subjected to rudeness from people on the golf course who think they are much better players and human beings than they actually are.

I have to admit, however, that I am rude to cold callers on the telephone. They annoy me intensely. I managed to get rid of most of these calls by joining something called the preference service a number of years ago. This blocks unwanted calls but recently I have received numerous contacts from India allegedly carrying out surveys and wanting my views - as if they are the slightest bit interested in what I think. They always preface their spiel with the words "I am not selling anything." I'm not gullible enough to believe this. They may not be directly selling anything but you can guarantee when they find out what your interests are you will be besieged by calls from companies who will be trying to sell you things. I have never bought anything off a cold caller either on the telephone or at the door and I never will.

England stay the number one cricket nation despite having lost the last four tests (three in Pakistan and the latest reversal in Sri Lanka). That must make them one of the worst not the best. The bowlers have in no way let us down in any of those four matches but the batsmen have been abysmal. So many have got out to ridiculous shots like the pre-meditated sweep shop. That's where the batsman decides that they are going to sweep the ball before it's bowled. It has brought the downfall of so many so called world class English batsmen in those last four tests. The English coaching staff should ban its use and go back to more orthodox stroke play. That way we might be able to win matches by reaching relatively modest totals.

Last night we went to Waterstone's Book Store in Norwich to listen to top selling author Robert Goddard. He spoke about his life for one hour and was very funny and captivating, although he didn't talk much about his novels. So as a lesson in novel writing it was poor but as an entertaining evening it was top notch. Tonight we are going to see Roger Ellory - one of my favourite authors. I think this one might be slightly more serious

See you tomorrow.

If Music Be the Food of Love Play On

After yesterday's rant it's nice to return to something gentler today i.e music.

Another excellent evening at Bedfords Grapevine. For those coming to this blog late, the Norwich pub/restaurant venue hosts an acoustic folk evening on the fourth Wednesday of each month. Last night we had some guy from Banham (that's a variation on a joke around a country and western singer from Preston which is far too coarse to re-tell here). Sorry but I didn't catch his name, but he was decent with a voice reminiscent of the Stereophonics' Casey Jones.

Then we had Paul Goodwin who provided a number of quirky songs delivered with a pseudo London accent a la Billy Bragg. I enjoyed the set even if it did become a tad samey. The highlights of the evening were a set from New Yorker Annie Dressner, who had an engaging personality, an unusual voice and some pretty good material and also the ability to look winsome and smile with her mouth shut (just try that one yourself). The evening finished with five piece band The Willows from Cambridge and they went down extremely well. A mixture of traditional and contemporary folk, it was their engaging personalities that shone through, not to mention some decent musicianship.

I just love this venue and what it achieves in the heart of Norwich. If you are anywhere in the vicinity do check out one of these evenings where you get three hours of music for a fiver. The food isn't bad either. Apparently there has been a complaint from a near neighbour about the noise. How ridiculous is that? We are talking acoustic music here - usually one person with a guitar. I would like to take this woman, whoever she is, to see something like The Hold Steady at Norwich Waterfront and then she would know what loud is. I came out of that one with my ears ringing

This afternoon I'm off to play golf. Basically I am to golf what Herbie Hide is to public relations. That remark may be lost on a few people. Suffice it to say that Hide is a professional boxer and former Heavyweight Champion of the world (in one of the many lesser set-ups) who lives just round the corner from the golf club but who doesn't really contribute a lot to the local or Norfolk pr economy. I'm saying no more.

Then this evening the culture continues (does it know no end?). We are going to Waterstones book shop in Norwich to listen to top selling author Robert Goddard as part of the Norwich crime fortnight which features some top selling authors. Tomorrow night it's Norwich Forum to meet RJ (Roger) Ellory. I have a number of signed books from Roger which I reviewed for my web site. I have been talking to him via e-mail for some time and it will be great to meet him in the flesh.

A Ridiculous Stamp Tax, Grumpy Old Man Takes Over

Somewhere along the line I think we are being taken for a ride.

The United Kingdom is in the throes of recession, jobs are becoming harder to come by, people are having to work under more stress, more pressure and increasing demands and now prices in essential commodities are rocketing.

Okay you expect small rises but we are in a recession so everybody's finances are being squeezed to the limits. So what happens - petrol prices continue to rise to ridiculous levels (affecting anybody who has to use their car to get to work), prescription charges are about to go up again (affecting anybody who gets sick) and now we hear of a 30% increase in the cost of postage which will put a second class stamp up from 36p to 50p and a first class up from 46p to 60p. This is simply ludicrous and Royal Mail insult us by telling us they realise how hard this will hit people. This is a statement from their web site:

"We know how hard it is for households and businesses when our economy is as tough as it is now. We have thought very carefully about the impact on our customers and on our own business, before deciding to raise our prices."

So lets take this sentence apart. Firstly they sit in judgement as if they are some wise sages that know just how tough things are.  Secondly they insult us by stating that they have thought long and hard about the impact this will have on customers, when they haven't the first idea of how this will affect individuals or companies and then they decide to raise prices - but not just by a few pence but by a swingeing 28% in the case of second class stamps. Just how can this increase be justified when most people's pay has either taken a drop or been frozen, when pensioners have had their pensions frozen? It defies any kind of reality or grasp on logic whatsoever.

Then there is the fact that buying stamps is going to be means tested as the following explains:

"Households on pension credit and employment and support allowance (or incapacity benefit) will be eligible. They will be able to buy up to three books of 12 stamps – 36 stamps in total – in one purchase from any of the 11,801 Post Office branches from 6 November until the last posting dates before Christmas."

For most of it sending Christmas cards is now going to be a major cost. Sending 100 cards out will cost a ludicrous £50. Add to that the cost of the cards etc and there won't be much change from £100. So say goodbye to traditional Christmas, capitalism has well and truly taken over.

Prescription charges will also be going up by 25p to £7.65 from April 1st and as for petrol, well now we are facing strike action by fuel tanker drivers as the price just continues to spiral out of control.

Marketing - now there's an interesting subject that I do know a bit about, having worked in that sphere for a number of years and become disillusioned by the obvious falsehoods. Marketing professionals are the most important people in a company because they are the people who tell you a product or service is good irrespective of whether it is or not. There seems to be an unwritten law in industry that as long as you tell people how good something is they will genuinely believe you. Actually the public are not that gullible. If the product or service 1s second rate they will soon suss the fact out irrespective of what they are told. So if Royal Mail tell you that raising the cost of postage by up to 30% will improve their services, don't believe them. The service will either remain the same or deteriorate further because that's the kind of don't give a damn world in which we live where customers are referred to as "the most important" people but are then treated with absolute contempt in the search to make fatter profits.

Which takes me onto the fact that I am now going to spent the next couple of hours or so trying to sort out my Napster connection. The music site has been taken over by Rhapsody. All the software for my mp3 player, laptop, desktop etc has to be reloaded and all the tracks I have on my mp3 player will be wiped out. Of course we are told that being with Rhapsody will improve our enjoyment. Comments left on the Internet rather suggest the opposite. I will report back.

Just brilliaaaantttt, China and the One Show and Photographs for the First Time

The One Show is just brilllliaaaant. Or so dear old Matt Baker would have us believe as he once again pronounced an item to be "brilliant."

This time he was referring to a piece about photography and making whole villages look small by using special tilting lenses. The presenter started off in a model village where he pointed out that he was giant size but all the buildings were tiny but still in scale. So far pretty easy to comprehend. Then he took to the air in the One Show balloon and using his magic lens made a village look tiny.


Now I might be wrong here but I thought that the higher you get and the further away you get, the smaller something will become. So to make a village look small doesn't need special technology just height! I took a photo of Paris from an aircraft once. It looked tiny!

Having been to China last year I have been watching a series about the economic growth of that huge country. The problem has been the series never seems to get going and I blame academia. This series is led by Neal Ferguson. Each episode sees him spending so long stating what he intends to prove that he is left with little time for the actual proof. It's the same with many books I have read by Academics which never get started (Richard Dawkins springs to mind). Perhaps it is just a case of the subject matter being a bit thin.

I am current,y reading a biography of Syd Barrett. This gives an interesting insight into the Cambridge and London scenes of the 1960s. About 100 pages in, there isn't too much insight into Barrett. Many biographies spend so much time putting their character into the context of the time that they almost ignore the person themselves. I suspect with this one there is just a lack of information on the early days of the former Pink Floyd frontman.

Must mention the new four part costume drama on television about The Titanic. Thought the first one was pretty terrible and hugely dull. It's written by dear old Julian Fellowes who is responsible for Downton Abbey (enough said).

Good football club meeting last night. We are preparing to put together a short presentation for Hethersett Parish Council in a move to try and push forward our expansion plans to have our own ground. How many clubs in this country running 14 teams for all ages from seven upwards and for both sexes don't have their own ground?

This morning it's a walk in Norfolk Broadland. Should be a nice sunny and warm day and good for photos. Maybe I'll take to the air to make the Norfolk Broads look tiny!

Above are a couple of photos taken on the walk. I suddenly realised you can include photos in the blog, so many happy hours ahead.

And finally today - quote of the day from Jose Mourinho: "Football is football." That's why he's "The Special One" because he knows such things. Yes Jose if Football wasn't football it might well be rugby or cricket!

Getting Angry to Get Results, Planning Open Spaces and the Missing Blog

Well the phone line and Broadband connection came back yesterday afternoon but not before I got very angry with Talk Talk. Why is it to get anything done you have to be very unpleasant indeed?

After being without telephone and internet for well over 48 hours I contacted Talk Talk and spoke to a call centre in India!!!! They informed me that I would receive an update on the situation within 72 hours. I told them in no uncertain terms that I expected whatever fault it was to be repaired by that afternoon and if they failed to do this they would be in breach of their contract with me for failing to provide the promised services and I wouldn't hesitate in moving to another provider. It seems to have done the trick as everything was back by mid afternoon.

Spent the afternoon at a workshop to discuss the future of Hethersett Memorial Playing Field and open spaces in our village. It was a good event with plenty of first class ideas. Problem is there is a big gap between theory and practice. It's okay to have a "vision" but people are needed to make things happen, people who are prepared to work and search out grants etc. Let's hope the workshop wasn't just a talking shop and that we see yet more improvements to the field on top of those already achieved. One big stumbling block has always been the pavilion which is just not fit for purpose in a village the size of Hethersett. It needs either a radical make-over or to be demolished and replaced with a genuinely eco friendly village community building. We have been talking about this for many years. In the past people have taken umbrage when we have criticised the dreadful building. At least now everyone is singing from the same hymn sheet and realises that the building should be condemned.

The workshop attracted over 20 enthusiastic people. One telling remark was made by a parish councillor who said that the village has a tremendous store of goodwill and a large number of people working tirelessly to improve things, set up new groups and generally work for the good of the community. Tonight I will be part of a football club group looking at putting together a presentation for the parish council on the importance of sport and football in the village. So plenty of work to prepare for that.

A few days ago I mentioned that I couldn't publish a large blog that I had written due to my Broadband going down. Now that it has been restored the blog is below. I thought it better that I tack it onto today's offering rather than restore it to its date setting which might lead to even more confusion (I'm talking about myself being confused and not you oh reader). So here it is.
               
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I stand accused. Accused of over writing. Yesterday I checked on how many words this blog runs to now as we head towards the end of March. It now stands at 37,358 before today’s magnum opus!

That’s an average of just over 455 words a day. If I try really hard I can probably raise that to 500 a day which is quite frightening. Frightening to me for doing it and frightening for all those lovely people out there who brave reading my twitterings every day. The numbers seem to be on the increase. So if you are reading this, and of course if you aren’t this comment will be Pointless (yes I mentioned the show again) anyway, thank you so much.

Question is should I turn it all into a book at the end of the year and self publish on Amazon (could I handle the fame?). Now I really am running on and already today’s blog has amounted to 161 words and I have scarcely got started. Carry on like this and it will amount to 200,000 words by the end of the year

So what shall we talk about today? How about downloadable music for a start. I used to use three main internet sites to listen to music –all completely legal. Napster, for which I paid a monthly sum for unlimited listening and downloads to my MP3 player, Spotify for which I also paid a monthly sum to listen to music on my Sonos system and We7 for which I didn’t pay a fee but which of the three seemed to give a clearer sound.

I was happy with this arrangement. Then they started changing things. Spotify and We7 changed their user interfaces and became confusing, limiting the amount of music I could listen to and now Napster has been taken over by American company Rhapsody. Early signs are this won’t be the seamless transition that they are promising and a search of Rhapsody’s database shows there are numerous albums available on Napster that are not available on their service. So what happens to the albums I have from Napster on my portable player and will I still be able to download to my portable player anyway? A trawl of the Internet suggests that rather than a seamless change over as promised by the companies, things get difficult. For a start I have over 3,000 Napster tracks on my MP3 player and these have to be re-licences every month. It’s a simple task of just hooking them up through my computer to Napsetr to download the licence again. Now, however, that licence won’t exist so none of the tracks will play. So I am faced with having to get rid of them all and re-load them from Rhapsody, bearing in mind not all of them will be available. It sounds as if it could be a nightmare.

Which all brings me to two of my pet hates in life – 1/ Things changing for the sheer sake of change and 2/ Being told that a new system or idea is far better than the old despite the fact that the old worked and you were quite happy with it.

I call it supermarket syndrome. You know the idea. You regularly go to a supermarket or shop and get to know where things are. This makes you comfortable. So what do they do? They switch everything around so you can’t find anything. Rationale behind this is that you will buy additional things. Actually it doesn’t work that way. Most people are more inclined to shop elsewhere. I’m not saying that change is a bad thing. As somebody once pointed out if we didn’t have change over the centuries we would still be living in caves. But sometimes small change is just for the sake of it.

The we have the other scenario. Change is always heralded as a new dawn with services improving etc. We all know that isn’t true. The most galling is when they take away local services, move them to say a national call centre and then tell us it will provide a better more efficient service. Or when a company makes half its workforce redundant and then try to tell you its services will improve.

Perhaps you are getting the idea now how, with these views, I never really got on in business.

I just find this kind of marketing insulting. I fear that the music service I have been happy with – Napster – which works for me in all the places I want it to work will now deteriorate into something I do not want and which is nowhere near as efficient.

Yesterday whilst shopping in a local supermarket I saw Oliver Cromwell gin advertised which seems rather confusing. Wasn’t Cromwell a puritan who did his best to stop all celebrations at Christmas and shut down a number of Inns. Not sure he would have liked gin to be named after him – or maybe I’ve got that all wrong.

Last night I watched Top of the Pops Two on BBC Four. My only reason for so doing was to see the only TOTP appearance by my all time favourite rock group Barclay James Harvest who, according to their fanclub website, were miming. I say it was their only performance but really it was their only half performance because midway through Rock n Roll Star the music was faded out. So we had this ridiculous image of the band appearing to continue to play whilst the cameras zoomed back to presenter Tony Blackburn. Don’t wonder they never appeared again. Their lead guitarist John Lees is my favourite all time guitarist. Bet you’ve never even heard of him. Anyway if you want proof of that he’s playing Norwich UEA in October. Sadly he will be the only original member of Barclay James Harvest to be on the stage that night. He still plays under the name of John Lees’ Barclay James Harvest but there is another BJH run by original bassist Les Holroyd. The two just don’t get on. Sadly the other two original members Woolly Woolstenholme are no longer with us.

There that’s 1040 words which has already taken me well over the daily average!!!! See you tomorrow.

What a contrast. Twice a year I help deliver festive greetings cards from Hethersett and District Churches Together – one set for Christmas and one for Easter. We usually deliver to two or three rather long roads. At Christmas had to undertake the task wearing about six layers of clothes as it was –2. Yesterday it was more like 20 degrees and very warm indeed.

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See you tomorrow.

Football, Cinema and Lottery Winning Probabilities

Yesterday the sun shone virtually all day and it was filled with good things. In the morning went over to Wymondham to take photographs of the Abbey and various other picturesque places. I will place these on the Norfolk images part of the iwitness 24 web site when my Broadband eventually comes back. It shows no signs of returning yet and I'm getting very frustrated as this is the third time in the past 12 months that my telephone line has been wiped out.

So after Wymondham we spent the afternoon at Carrow Road to see Norwich beat Wolves 2-1. Norwich seem to have been playing with fear for some time now - fear of a relegation that is in no danger of happening. They really need a lesson in positive attitude. Instead of continually talking about being relegated they should have been talking about finishing in the top half of the division.

Spent the evening at Cinema City watching the Belgium film The Boy With A Bike. it was enjoyable if, ultimately, a bit lightweight. It certainly had a beginning and a middle but no perceptible end as it just suddenly stopped. I couldn't believe it when the end credits started rolling.

I have mentioned on her before about the corny nature of the new set of adverts extolling the virtues of holidaying in the UK. I mentioned how they talked about Sun, Sand, Sea and Skegness. This was beaten hands down by yesterday's cinema ad where actor Rupert Grint actually said "why go to Bondi when you can come here to Bridlington." Talk about shooting yourself in the foot. If they took a survey of 100 people and asked them where they would rather go Sydney or Bridlington I think the answer just might be Sydney. Having been to both I can vouch for the fact that the Australian city is just ever so slightly more interesting than the Yorkshire seaside town. These adverts get more and more ridiculous. Shortly after there was a separate advert extolling the virtues of Canada. This one didn't mention Brid. It probably assumed that there is no contest between the Canadian Rockies and the Yorkshire coast.

Which takes me onto the 12 Virgin shorts that are currently being shown in cinemas. Twelve very short films by independent film makers, all trying to be different and all failing miserably. The films try to be clever and by and large fail and some of them are just laughable.

Interesting headline on the billboards in Norwich yesterday "Cathedral Falcon lays an egg." Wow the sheer excitement of that. I know we are a quiet backwater for news by and large but surely this wasn't the most important headline of the day.

I am spending this afternoon at a special workshop to discuss the future use of the Memorial Playing Field in Hethersett.

I love Mathis and probabilities. I am always working things out in my head. So this morning in an idle moment I worked out the probabilities of winning anything on the national lottery. Of course my figures could be completely wrong but here goes. On one line of six numbers costing a pound your chance of the first number being one of your six is 8.16 to 1. The chances of the second number is 9.6 to 1. Chances of the third number is 11.75 to 1 chances of the fourth number is 15.33 to 1 chances of fifth number is 22.5 to 1 and chances of the sixth are 44 to 1.

That means the chances of getting one number is 8.16 to 1' the chances of getting two numbers is 78.34 to 1' chances of getting three numbers and winning £5 is 920.45 to 1' chances of getting four numbers is 14,110.47 to 1 chances of five numbers is 317,485.5 to 1 and the chances of hitting the jackpot with all six numbers is 13,969,362 to 1. So now you know.

Frustration and Respect for Comedians

I find trying to write this blog on my IPad without a Broadband connection very difficult. My phone line is still down. Apparently yesterday BT had dug up the road next to ours and it is likely that whatever they did blew out our line. This is the third time this year that this has happened and it is most frustrating as it makes my freelance writing for the local newspaper difficult.

So my monster blog I had lined-up for yesterday will have to wait until I'm back online. Spent quite a bit of last night watching Sport Relief on television where they mix light hearted comedy with very serious appeals for children in Africa etc. I don't really like these programmes as they highlight the inhuman conditions that much of the world live in. The money raised does help so much but for every community it helps there must be hundreds still struggling with famine and unclean water.

I do have tremendous respect for the new breed of comedians who do so much to highlight the problems but also do something about it. These people are role models. Eddie Izzard ran goodness knows how many marathons, the superb David Walliams swam the Thames, the equally brilliant John Bishop probably topped the lot with a cycle ride from London to Paris, followed by rowing the Channel and then the equivalent of three marathons. Wow. Oh I forgot Frank Skinner swam a length of a swimming bath.

And probably the biggest achievement of all these came from Skinner. Before you laugh let me explain. Skinner has a fear of water and it took him weeks to be able to swim that length. Throughout his training he had an abject look of fear on his face. This was real fear. I know because I didn't learn to swim until I was 40. My wife bought me a series of lessons with a friend at a charity auction. After the lessons I went to a beginners' class. The result is I still feel unsure in water but I no longer have a fear. I will never be a good swimmer but I have conquered my demon and at least can now go into a swimming pool without panicking. I know having a fear of the water is irrational, but then so are most fears.

As for today, well it's going to be a busy one. Shortly off to Wymondham to take some pictures of the town in the sunshine. I'm aiming to have them put up in one of the town's cares when I take a few that I feel are good enough. Then it's off to Carrow Road for Norwich's match against Wolves and this evening we are going to the cinema. Will report back on all this tomorrow.

Broadband Down

Have written a mega blog for today but unfortunately my Broadband has dropped out and so I cannot post at the moment. Ironic as Talk Talk rang me yesterday to see if I was happy with their service! Will post as soon as the service returns

Just had it confirmed that it's another fault on my phone line - about the third time in the past 12 months. They were digging up the road round the corner this morning. Every time they do this it seems to co-incide with my line going down. Will catch up ASAP. Just one comment. Saw another advert on television urging people to holiday in this country. I have mentioned this before. This one extolled the virtues of the three s's - sun, sand and Skegness. Yes that's right Skegness and I thougt it stood for something much more enjoyable!

Pointless is Wonderful, Petrol Prices aren't and the World's Tallest Flagpole Unveiled

Yesterday I mentioned the fact that the world’s second tallest flagpole was in Azerbaijan and wondered where the tallest is. A simple search on Google came up with the answer. The pole in Azerbaijan is 532 ft high but the one in Tajikistan has overtaken it at 541 ft.

I should imagine the good people of Baku were a tad miffed in 2011 when the new Tajikistan pole outranked them and knocked them off the number one slot by nine feet. I can almost see a battle of the flagpoles and a flagpole war ensuing (well ok not really).

I am going to talk about Pointless again and mention it in the headline to this blog for two reasons. One because it is my favourite show on all of television as I think Alexander Armstrong and Richard Osman are just brilliant together. Richard is the sharpest man on television. The second reason is that my last blog about Pointless has had more than twice as many visits and views than any other blog. Everyday more people read it and yesterday it hit 100 visits. So let’s see if this one does the same.

I see the new series of the Apprentice is about to start. I know people who think this is a fantastic show. I think it panders to the basest instinct and is bordering on the pathetic. All these arrogant young people calling themselves “the blonde assassin” or the “master puppeteer.” Just who are they trying to kid? More young talentless wannabees trying to prove they are tougher than anyone else. That’s not what life is all about my dears. It should be about compassion, kindness and teamwork. This programme is just becoming full of comic book cartoon people living in their own shambolic dream worlds fuelled by the quite ludicrous Alan “call me Lord” Sugar who has himself become a caricature.

Made comments recently about petrol prices which I said were sure to hit £1.50 by August. Well one garage I pass quite regularly is already at £1.42 today. Mind you there is a big board outside stating “cut price petrol two days a week.” Who are they trying to kid? To get 3p a litre off you have to take a coupon from the local newspaper. With that coupon it makes petrol £1.39p which is still 3p more expensive than my nearest garage at £1.36. Last night on the news they had the Minister for Fuel and Energy (or some such ridiculous title) talking about the budget and petrol prices. Of course rather than discuss her plans for bringing down the price of petrol, she pointed out that if the Labour party had stayed in Government petrol prices would be 10p a litre higher than they are. We are supposed to listen to this facile nonsense and supposition based on no facts whatsoever. The British public really don’t want to listen to such twaddle. What we want to know is what she is doing to lower the prices and the answer appears to be not a lot.

Somebody bought me some Avon shaving gel for Christmas and I am just getting round to using it. It says on the tube that it is an invisible gel that helps you to see clearly where you are shaving. What nonsense. It is so see through that you have no idea where you have shaved and where you haven’t. With the old fashioned gel that turns into a white foam you can clearly see where you have been and where you still have to go!

Interesting take on the Patirce Mwamba situation yesterday when I heard somebody commenting on the fact that Bolton’s midweek match had been postponed because of the trauma the collapse had on his teammates. There had also been discussion whether Bolton’s match on Saturday should be called off but apparently it is going ahead. This person said he felt they should just get on  with the football:

“When a colleague is killed in Afghanistan do the troops refuse to fight and when PC David Rathbone was shot and wounded did his police colleagues refuse to go out on the streets for a week?”

Fair comment in many ways. I do know that Patrice’s illness has brought the football world together and that’s one good thing that has come out of it.

Dinky, Tall Flagpoles, Eurovision and Quizzing

What a source of wonderment and amusement The One Show continues to be.

Last night the main guest was 75 year old "Music Legend" Englebert Humperdinck who will be representing the United Kingdom in the next Eurovision Song Contest. I mentioned this in a previous blog. When I heard he was going to be on the show my first thought, and one  that I am sure were shared by many others, were along the lines of I wonder if he can still walk without a zimmer frame. But there he was as large as life with the same hairstyle as he wore in the eighties and nineties.

We just knew he was a music legend because Matt Baker told us so. Thankfully as I had to go out I just caught the first 10 minutes of the show. First off they asked Englebert what they should call him:

"You can call me Engle, you can call me Bert, you can call me Humpy but don't call me Dinky," he replied in an ever so slightly rehearsed opening. So they called him Englebert. Sadly I didn't watch long enough to hear him talk about Eurovision. I suppose I could have recorded the rest of the show but there didn't seem to be a lot of point.

Anyway they asked Dinky whether he had ever been to Azerbaijan where the contest is being held. "No" he had never been there. Cue VT (As they say in the trade). Some dude presenter visits Azerbaijan's capital Baku where he does one of those zany kind of lad features full of fun and frivolity. He found a local guide who was an avid Dinky fan and had pictures of him in her car (how distracting is that when you are driving?). The guide was asked to take funny dude to see some of the sights of Baku and first on the list was the second tallest flagpole in the world (wow). I wish I knew where the tallest was!!!

At that point I went off to the Wymondham Railway Quiz. Not impressed by what I saw of Dinky though. Maybe he should change his name again to Al Zheimer.

I apologise for that totally tasteless joke which has no foundation in fact whatsoever. On a serious note I have had relatives who have suffered from Alzheimers and are very aware of just what a hideous disease it is. I try and support the charity whenever possible (and this paragraph has been the serious part of today's blog).

Working today on promoting two coming dates - I am writing a quiz for April 21st at Hethersett Junior School to raise money for the Jubilee Fair in the village. Hopefully money raised on this evening will go to providing portable toilets for the event! Secondly I am also promoting the new running club in the village which I am helping to organise alongside Norfolk's former Olympic runner Paul Evans. Paul is a great guy and ran the 10,000 metres for Great Britain in two Olympic Games and also came third in a London Marathon, second in a New York Marathon and won one in Chicago. So when Paul says run you run. Seriously this is a club for beginners and people who want to get into running. For me it will be a chance to start up again despite my now advanced age. It all starts on April 19th and runs through until June on Thursday Evenings from 7 to 8 p.m on the back field at Hethersett Junior School. If anyone from Hethersett is reading this and wants to join in, just turn up on the night and it's all free and supported by Run England. It is hoped that after the initial 10 week period a permanent social running group will be set up.

Brilliant news that footballer Patrice Mwamba continues to improve in hospital. As somebody said yesterday his collapse brought the football world together as one family - how true. There was a lot of humour in yesterday's interviews with players who had been in to see Patrice who apparently had been talking in two languages - French and English. I hope he didn't mix them up. Spoke to somebody who thought it amazing that following his collapse and heart attack he had woken up able to speak in a new language. We had to explain that coming from the Congo but living in England since the age of 11 he was fluent in both languages.

So they interviewed a footballer who had visited him. They wore the obligatory baseball cap so it was impossible to tell who they were. They came out with a couple of gems, however.

"I'm looking forward to seeing him standing, because that's how I remember him," was one and the other was even better. "He was acting very normal and that's important."

And so to the Wymondham Railway quiz. Myself and Anne went along with son Matt and lovely daughter in law to be Emma and had a really nice evening, coming fourth out of 16 teams - which wasn't bad at all. We had some good guesses on Eastender questions but ended up kicking ourselves at not getting a really simple question. The question was: "What is the female equivalent of a knight?" We assumed it meant a knight as in round table and jousting etc and couldn't think of a female equivalent. The answer was Dame. So it was a knight as in Queen touching shoulder with a sword. We got the wrong kind of Knight. Well I suppose it was that kind of night!

Preferring Gardening and Avoiding Hatred

Today must be a first. I had the choice between staying in the study and doing volunteer village work or doing the garden. For the first time ever I chose the latter as it was a lovely early spring day. So the garden now looks pristine and better than it has for a long long time.

Yesterday on Twitter I came across an extraordinary site. I use the word extraordinary not in the usual good sense. This site was appalling. I won't even give it recognition by telling you the name of the person. Suffice it to say he was American and his tweets were consumed by hate and racism. He described himself as a Christian which he certainly wasn't in any way shape or form. This cretin was referring to the collapse of football Patrice Mwamba from a heart attack during the match on Sunday between Tottenham and Bolton. Again I won't give any credibility to his rantings except to say they were fuelled by the most trenchant racism and you can probably guess what they said. This is one of the problems with social networking. It gives a voice for people to rant and rave through sheer ignorance.

Thankfully Patrice seems to be on the mend. A lot of people will claim that this is thanks to the millions of people praying for his recovery and is a perfect example of the power of prayer. I remain unconvinced by that, but I'm willing to be swayed and I know the fact that millions were praying was a source of comfort to the player's family and that is probably good enough.

Of course had Patrice not pulled through it would have been a total sign that prayer doesn't work. So I guess in football parlance God has made it through to the next round.

I am loving the football biography which I mentioned a few days ago. Mick Rathbone's "The Smell of Football" is one of the most poignant and funny books on our national game I have ever read. This morning (before going into the garden) I found it difficult to put down. I just loved the chapter where he was manager of Halifax who dropped out of the Football League whilst he was in charge. The humour in this chapter is fantastic. He signed an African player who came highly recommended but whom he had never seen play. In one game there was an early injury and he told this new player to warm up, at which point the player went into the clubhouse and sat on a radiator. There are some priceless gems in this book and I will be very sorry when it comes to an end. That's the problem with really good books. You want them to last but just race through them because they are so engrossing.

Off to the Wymondham Railway quiz again tonight. We have won the last two we have attended but I'm not greatly hopeful tonight. Will let you know how we got on tomorrow.

Shouting at the TV, working on web sites and serial shagging

Yesterday I shouted at the football on the television. When Fernando Torres scored his second goal in Chelsea's comfortable win against Leicester in the FA Cup I shouted at the TV: "Don't mention the London Bus analogy." And what happened? The commentator said "It's the old London bus scenario. One doesn't come for ages and then two come together." Yuck and how predictable. Can we have sports commentary without the cliches please? I much prefer the comment left on Facebook: "What does Fernando Torres scoring a goal and Mothers' Day have in common?" Answer - They both only happen once a year.

Have spent all today getting my village web site up to date and writing copy for the local newspapers. Two news events dominate in the village. Firstly yesterday we had the first ever 30-60 cycle ride which attracted 300 cyclists who started and finished at Hethersett Social Club and who rode either 30 or 60 miles around the Norfolk Countryside. I'm pleased that the event will be repeated again next year. It's yet another example of improving fitness, well being and health in the village and also raising money for charity at the same time.

Congrats to parish councillor and Hethersett Olympic Committee Chairman Shane Hull who has been chosen to run with the Olympic Torch on its journey round the country. Shane will be carrying the torch at Acle on the same day as it's stopping off in Hethersett in recognition of all the efforts put in by our village to organise Olympic themed events over the past three years. Over that time we have been acknowledged nationally for organising more events per head of population than any other village, town or city in the country.

Finally I was very disappointed to read about Coronation Street actor William Roache's claims that he has bedded 1,000 women which makes him a serial shagger. Disappointing that through much of that time he was held up to have a very successful and happy marriage. So is the boast true or is it good old Corrie Ken's attempts to wind the press up? Only the actor himself knows unless a few hundred women suddenly come out of the woodwork of course.

Mothers Day, Patrice Mwamba and Hethersett's cycle event

Happy Mothers' Day to all mothers.

Sadly I lost my own dear mother 30 years ago and one of my great sadnesses in life is she never got to see her grandchildren who she would have adored.

Some people see Mother's Sunday as just a cynical marketing tool for shops and outlets to cash in on. Others see it as a chance to celebrate the vital part mothers play in our lives. Whilst acknowledging the first it is the second we should celebrate.

Horrible and distressing photographs and TV coverage from White Hart Lane yesterday after the collapse of Bolton defender Fabrice Mwanda. I was half watching the game on ESPN on television and it was a truly horrible moment. The only good thing to come out of the incident is the marvellous way it brought all the Spurs and Bolton fans together. Football can still unite people. It is a universal language and has unbelievable power. With Twitter, Facebook and all the other social media, hopefully the Mwamba family have been able to feel the tangible support and love for them at this time. So many people have been praying throughout the night for Patrice's recovery. Perhaps this is a true test of whether the power of prayer works or not.

Spent a very cold morning taking photographs of the first Hethersett 30-60 cycle event which started and finished at Hethersett Social Club. It was an excellently organised event led by local cyclist Martin "Bart" Anderton. I have already put the photos taken at the event on the Internet and you can view them by clicking this link Hethersett 30-60

Rockall, Boxing, Inverness and Tony Curtis - and much more

Rockall, Boxing, Inverness, Tony Curtis - four totally unrelated words/subjects/topics but four that conspired to prevent our team winning the latest Bawburgh Golf Club quiz last night. It was one of those evenings when we kept getting right answers and then changing them to wrong ones and as a result we finished fourth. Not changing the above would have given us first place.

These are really excellent and thoroughly enjoyable evenings. We haven't finished in the top three for a few months but I think we have won a couple of this year's events. The questions we messed up on were: What sport did Andre Agassi's father compete in in the Olympic Games beginning with the letter B (we discussed badminton and boxing, decided on boxing and then changed it to basketball). What is the UK's most northern city (we discussed Inverness but plumped for Aberdeen), Who played the part of the Boston Strangler (considered Tony Curtis and ended up with Boris Karloff). Can't remember the exact question relating to shipping districts but we suggested Rockall and then changed it to Malin.

Talking of quizzes, I am currently writing one for the 21st April at Hethersett Junior School to raise money for the coming June Old English Fayre on Hethersett Memorial Playing Field on June 3rd. So far I have written about one-third of it -so two thirds to go.

Suggestions that David Cameron and Barack O'Barma this week discussed how to cut fuel prices made me chuckle. Fuel prices in both countries have been rising steadily. Occasionally they drop slightly for a matter of days and then carry on rising. That's just what will happen this time. Prices may well drop by a couple of pence a litre before starting their upward trend again. My guess is that by August a litre of petrol will hit £1.50. I will either apologise or say I told you so in August. Meanwhile our esteemed leader will once again claim that his Government has cut fuel duty to help the mythical "Man in the Street." As they say in some circles "Yeah Right."

I have just started to read one of my Christmas presents - The Smell of Football by Mick Rathbone. This is a football biography highly recommended by both newspapers and readers' reviews on Amazon. I am reading it on my Grand National Kindle. I call it my Grand National Kindle because it was bought with money won on last year's Aintree classic.

Anyway The Smell of Football is anything but an average sports autobiography. For a start Baz (the nickname came from the actor Basil Rathbone who was the best ever Sherlock Holmes) went through a period as a raw youngster when he tried not to get into Birmingham City's first team. He couldn't even pass the ball to his hero Trevor Francis, a player he idolised. Baz pulled his career, and indeed his shyness, around when he joined Blackburn Rovers and went on to become "head of medicine" (nice fancy title) at Everton. He speaks highly of former Everton player and manager Howard Kendall whom he says was a real gentleman who had time for everyone and was loved by all and lit a room up by his presence. I can underline that. In a former life as sports editor of a weekly newspaper I covered Norwich City matches for both that newspaper and the now defunct News of the World and used to be at after match press conferences given by managers. Indeed I wrote an article about the different characters of managers. Some were shy, some reticent, some uttered few words and some talked non stop. I remember Howard after one match. I have no idea now what the score of that game was but he was asked the obvious question by one reporter: "How do you feel your team performed today Howard." He then gave a full and considered view of the game, his own team and the Norwich performance and came over as an intelligent, erudite and honest man in love with the game. I think I still have some of those newspaper articles. Must look them out and put them on my web site.

Anyway the style of Baz Rathbone's book started me thinking that I could write one of my own. I suddenly realised that football has been a major part of my life since the age of about eight. Although I never played it at any great level I have reported on it, coached it and been an amateur football club chairman for more years than I can remember. So I'm going to set it all down as "Notes from the Sidelines." I may change this less than catchy title later. My aim will be to write 1,000 words a day for roughly 60 days and then see if I can get a publisher interested. If I can't find one I will self-publish. So the idea is to have the book out in one form or another by the end of the year. I am also in the process of cleaning up another book (that's from a grammatical point of view) that I wrote about 30 years ago. It's a silly little tale about a young reporter in a seaside town. Any resemblance to my own career is purely co-incidental (yeah right). Anyway once this has been tidied up I am going to try and publish it on Amazon.

Was very surprised yesterday when a friend pointed out that the lovely Adele track "Make You Feel My Love" was actually written by Bob Dylan.I think that comes under the heading of "not a lot of people know that." So I looked up the original. Not sure who has the better voice Dylan or Adele - it's a close thing (not),

Strategy, plan, vision - not sure what order they come up in. I do know that I recoil when I hear the words. They should be replace by thought, deeds and action. I have in the past worked for a number of organisations where management speak is the order of the day. I built up a hatred of certain words and phrases and these three would be somewhere near the top along with blue sky thinking and thinking outside the box. But let's start with strategy, plan and vision. Somebody who has a vision then seems to turn it into a plan which is used to formulate a strategy. The problem is most of the strategies I have been involved with were never put into action. Most stayed in a dusty folder on shelves. When the proverbial shit hits the fan there's no time to consult folders and strategies. So let's talk not about those who write things down and claim to have a strategy but the people with true vision who think things out (either slowly or, in the case of an emergency, quickly) and then act in everybody's best interests.

As for thinking inside and outside the box. What a load of twaddle. The best comment I ever heard during a meeting was "Personally I don't think inside or outside the box, as far as I am concerned there is no f-----g box." I think he was a no nonsense northerner.

Tomorrow I will be spending much of the day around Hethersett Social Club for the first ever Hethersett 30-60 event. Basically it's a charity bike ride through South Norfolk starting and finishing in the village. Riders can either do one circuit (30 miles) or two (60 miles). I will be there to take photos for the Media and the village web site. Looking forward to it as long as it doesn't rain. My last camera gor ruined by rain - on the Great Wall of China!! 

Blog's Greatest Hits, More About White Heat and Football Matters

I always check the statistics on my blog site to see how many visits and hits I achieve. It's usually about 40 visits a day (well it's a start). The interesting thing is I'm drawing up a kind of greatest hits of the most visited blog and way out ahead at the moment is one I wrote in February about the TV quiz show Pointless. I guess that proves my blog isn't pointless. Neither is the show which is excellent and a must watch every day at 5.15 p.m on BBC 1.

Last night I watched the second episode of White Heat and I must say I was disappointed. It seems to be going nowhere fast and has become rather cliched already. The main problem is the drama is interspersed with news clips from the time as though the writer wants to continually remind you of when the action was set. Last week we had the death of Churchill and this week it was the Vietnam War. White Heat can't seem to make up its mind whether it wants to be a bona fide drama or a history lesson, whether it wants to follow the characters or their idealism. It tries to be gritty but becomes rather hackneyed rather than ground-breaking. It seems to want to hammer home all the topics of the day (war, abortion, mental illness, drugs etc) which gives a kind of watcher's overload. Nevertheless I will continue watching for the four remaining episodes.

Yesterday I spent quite some time on Hethersett Athletic Football Club business. It really is becoming almost a full time occupation to keep the club running smoothly and by and large it does run smoothly. At the moment we are putting together a promotional brochure to support our fight for our own ground and facilities and we are asking a number of people to write testimonials about what the club means to them. I have put together one of these testimonials and thought it might be a good idea to reproduce it below - so here goes.

"I can't remember ever making a conscious decision to help with football in the village - it just happened. When I was blessed with two boys there always seemed to be a ball of some kind involved in our lives and I can remember kicking a football about in the road with my two sons from a very early age.

My connection with village football started when the boys were in the Cubs. I volunteered to run their football team - so that must have been about 22 years ago around 1990. There seemed to be a logical progression from Cubs to Under-10s football and that's when my connection with Hethersett Athletic began - probably a couple of years into the history of the club. I began to work alongside the club's founder Mel Perkins and things as they say progressed from there. I think I can say that myself and Mel as chairman and secretary have an excellent relationship both on a football level and as friends. We don't always agree on things but we never let disagreements wreck our aims.

I coached youth teams from Under-10 to Under-17 level and then ran an adult side for three seasons before giving up to concentrate more on the administration side of the club, becoming the club's first and (to date) only chairman somewhere along the line. I am immensely proud of our club and what we have achieved in the past and what we will continue to achieve in the future.

The national recognition we received by gaining charter standard status was a source of immense pleasure and I can honestly say I have thoroughly enjoyed my relationship with the football club and helping to make it grow into one of the most successful in Norfolk.

The figures speak for themselves with over 300 playing members at the present time and the possibility that in the future we could expand with even more teams, giving more competitive sport to many more youngsters.

My sons both played for the club to adult level. One is still a club member and holds the record for number of appearances. My eldest son has played county football in Sussex. I have no doubt that being part of Hethersett Athletic helped them to develop and mature as people and it is this that I am most proud to have been a part of.

Football is a universal language. There is absolutely nothing in life than can bring so many people together at one time. Yes occasional one off events will do this but football does it week after week after week.

The number of young people who have gone through the ranks of Hethersett Athletic over the 20 plus years of its existence runs into thousands. Hopefully most of them remember the club with fondness despite moving away from the area as their lives take shape.

We are still here, still working for the club, still realising that over the years many of us have put in thousands of volunteer hours without any financial reward simple because 1/ we believe in the value of sport 2/ we love the game of football and 3/ we want to help youngsters have a focus in life that keeps them healthy, teaches them discipline and teamwork and perhaps in a small way makes them better people.

Yesterday I also spent a large amount of time in the garden and in particular cleaning all the paintwork (actually most of it is plastic) on the outside of the house. So a few hours spent up a ladder, but the place is looking quite clean now. It's the kind of thing I put off doing but actually enjoy once I get round to it. It's pretty mindless stuff. The garage door got repaired as well. Now the power socket in the garage keeps tripping and throwing the freezer out which is very strange.

Too Old to Rock - England's Green and Pleasant Land and the F Word

After last night I am wondering whether I am now officially too old to rock.

I felt like a grumpy old man at the Maccabees gig at the UEA. Firstly we had to queue up in the cold for almost half an hour to get in, despite the tickets stating that doors opened at 7.30 p.m and we were there at 7.31. Then the support band didn't make an appearance for quite some time and shambled their way through six or seven numbers. I have tried without success to find out who they were. Perhaps they could go under the name Totally Talentless which is an apt description. A motley crew of misfits. The lead singer thought he was Iggy Pop, one of the guitarists spent more time adjusting his baseball cap and hair than playing and when the keyboard player needed a drink he just stopped playing. They looked more like something from a Special Needs College.


We then had the usual lengthy wait before the headliners came on and what a disappointment the Maccabees were. I really like their new album "Given to the Wild." It has some very good songs and lovely textures and I was expecting a professional band. Sadly their set was a mess. The sound quality was awful, the music sounded like a loud mush of sound. The lyrics were indistinct and when leadman Orlando Weeks spoke to the assembled multitude (Biblical reference) his voice was so distorted you couldn't hear a word. As my mate said "Are we in a foreign country?" The balance was wrong, the whole thing was shot over by bass and distortion and became highly unpleasant to listen to.


It was certainly a case of give the kids what they want - high energy, loud mushy music that they can leap up and down to and no subtlety. On this showing the band are just second division and will remain so until they decide whether they want to be a loud band for kids to pogo to or serious musicians, something I'm sure they are capable of. Being loud and inaudible may work well for a short time but isn't a long term strategy.


It was hot, claustrophobic and uncomfortable which is just about acceptable if the music is top notch - this wasn't.

I have a good laugh when I see the current advert extolling the virtues of holidaying in this country in 2012 rather than going abroad. They have wheeled out some big guns for this including the brilliant Stephen Fry and Julie Walters. The problem is what they are portraying looks like something out of the 1950s. I'm not saying that our country isn't the "green and pleasant land" that they are describing but they conveniently rule out the other side of the coin which might include racism, civil unrest, unemployment and lots of traffic jams. Perhaps on balance though I'll take the green and pleasant land scenario.

Which brings me onto the subject of the word fricking or fecking or any other version. People seem to be using these words more and more instead of the f word. My argument is that although not in themselves a swear word they are deliberately taking the place of said swear word and so therefore have the same intention and meaning. I used to have long discussions with a work colleague who was a Christian and boasted that he never swore. He did use the word flippin or flipping a lot and I argued that this was swearing because the intention was exactly that of using the f word. He was merely substituting a similar word. The intentions were the same. He would never agree. What do you think? Answers on an effing postcard!


Finally back to music and a wonderful antidote to the high octane loud rock described above. I have been promoting the talents on my blog and elsewhere of the delightful music of Ana Silvera. Yesterday I played her new album The Aviary through about four times and commented in a record review that this was the kind of material that made me fall in love with music many years ago. Finely crafted songs with poetical lyrics. Songs that tell stories.

See you tomorrow.

Village is a Broadband black spot - Why?

According to a survey in the Daily Mail Newspaper, Hethersett is the fourth worst place in the country for Broadband speed.

That seems ridiculous as we are just six miles from Norwich and in the middle of a belt of high tech industries and also very close to Norfolk Police Headquarters, the University of East Anglia, the John Innes Institute, the Norfolk and Norwich University Hospital and any number of other highly progressive research institutes. Many of the people working in those places live in Hethersett. The need for fast Broadband (or at least faster Broadband) is pretty obvious. So today I will be launching a campaign on my village web site at www.hethersett.org.uk for improved speed and for us to be brought into line with other parts of the country.

Just catching up on a bit of recorded TV early morning and in particular a programme about the beauties of Wales. It amused met, with all our modern technology and advanced camera work which brings us great nature programmes from throughout the world, that this programme involved a man wading into a river with a camera on a pole!

Tonight I'm off to see the Maccabees in concert at the University of East Anglia. Will let you know what I think about them tomorrow. Just hope they aren't too loud so that the lyrics are all but destroyed.

Weird and Scary

There ain't half some weird dudes around.

Tonight on television they had an article on the One Show about the number one single "You Spin Me Round (Like a Record)" and the band Dead or Alive and in particular the lead singer Pete Burns. The aforementioned Burns met up with Pete Waterman (he of the trio Stock, Aitken and Waterman who almost single handedly - or should that be triple handedly - wrecked pop music with their corn fed, prototype, formulaic pop). Poor old Pete W looks normal - suit wearing, receding blond hair. The same certainly can't be said of Pete B. Weird just doesn't describe the long red hair, the Chicago headband and the Botox bloated lips. This was weird with a big W. I should imagine Pete W had problems keeping a straight face. When the feature was over dear old Matt Baker, in the studio, was back to his hyperbolic best.

"That was amazing," he announced.

There were audible sniggers in the studio!!

The other weird person was motivational speaker Scary Guy on Anglia TV's News. Yes that's actually his name. Well actually it's Earl Kauffman but he goes under the name of The Scary Guy because that's exactly what he is, bloody scary. He campaigns world wide to fight hatred, violence, prejudice and bullying in schools so fair play to him. He has covered 85% of his body with tattoos and has numerous piercings. He was talking at a school in Essex and when interviewed the pupils had just one word to describe him - "scary".

Talking of scary. I have almost finished the book "All the Madmen" which I mentioned a few blogs ago. Reading about Pink Floyd, Bowie, the Who, Nick Drake et al really does once again underline my belief that the great years of rock music were between 1967 and 1974 - halcyon days and thankfully well before Stock, Aitken and Waterman.

Football and the Demise of Record Shops

Isn't it strange how people view the same thing in so many different ways? Norwich put in what I thought was a hugely sterile performance against Wigan and we were lucky to come away with a point from a 1-1 draw in a match where Wigan looked the better team and Norwich seemed to lack enthusiasm or bite. Indeed the performance was met with boos at the end.

Match of the Day referred to it as "a belter" of a match and the best of the day and more enjoyable than games involving Manchester United and Manchester City. I still reckon it was sterile and dull!

Then on Radio Norfolk they had an in depth analysis of the effect booing the team had on the players and whether it would lead to manager Paul Lambert considering his future. What a mad discussion. Any boos were just of the moment and in no way detract from what high esteem everybody holds Mr Lambert and the fantastic job he has done over the past three seasons.

The point pretty much ensures Norwich are safe this season with relegation now a five horse race for the three drop places. My money would be on Wolves and QPR to definitely go down and one from Blackburn, Bolton and Wigan to accompany them. Personally I would like QPR to get relegated. They sacked Neil Warnock for absolutely no reason and it would serve them right if that decision came back to haunt them.

Have been having chats with lots of friends on-line about the demise of the old fashioned record store. They were replaced by the big names such as Virgin and HMV and now one of those is no longer on our High Streets and the other seems to be seriously under threat. Very soon I can see no record shops in our towns and cities. That to me is all part of the throwaway society in which we live. Nobody seems to plan for the long term and the problem is nobody knows what the long term will bring because of this live for today attitude and the sheer pace of change.

Wit and Wisdom of Footballers

The wit and wisdom of professional footballers/managers. Last night on Match of the Day we had Aston Villa Manager Alex McLeish giving us an incredible insight into the game;

"The more you lose, the more games you don't win"

Charlie Adam of Liverpool then added - "All the lads gave 110% today."

It's wonderful when footballers emphasise how hard everyone is trying in various degrees of impossibility. "Everyone gave 110% or everyone gave 150%." It is a physical impossibility to give any more than 100%. If you could you would indeed be "totally unique."

Anyway this afternoon I'm off to Carrow Road to see Norwich play bottom club Wigan. It's a match that will strangely define our season. If we win we go back up to eighth place and can think about finishing the season in the top half which will be some achievement. If we lose we could be sucked down towards the nether regions (if you'll pardon the expression) and that's something we don't want to happen. I will let you know later how the day went.

I have always been fascinated by accents. I love trying to work out where a person comes from through their accent and usually you can get pretty close. I love the Scouse accent and the fact that usually you can't understand a word that a broad Liverpudlian says. The funny thing is that, coming from Norfolk, we have our fair share of dialect speaking people. There are, however, many people who, despite being born in the county and having lived here all their lives, do not have a noticeable local accent. The same just can't be said about Liverpool. One of their community projects was featured on Match of the Day and even the leader of Liverpool City Council had a thick Scouse accent!!

Received our new council tax bill yesterday and it was interesting to note that the only section that has gone up is for policing. Our payments to Norfolk County Council and South Norfolk District Council have been frozen and that to Hethersett Parish Council has gone down by 0.4%. Our contribution to policing has risen by 3% however. It's interesting to see that we now pay more for policing than for the services provided by the parish and district councils combined.

A Corny Film and the End of the Microwave

I suppose if you struggle to remember a film's name it means that either the name is too complicated or the film isn't much cop. Today we had special money off tickets for the Hollywood cinema in Anglia Square, Norwich to see (sorry momentarily forgotten the film's title).

Anyway it was a special Internet coupon deal - two tickets, two lots of popcorn and two cold drinks for £9. Can't fault that for a bargain. Sadly the cinema appears to have seen better days. It was rather messy and that's not the fault of the management but the people who drop popcorn on the floor and obviously make no effort to clear it up. A special mention for the chap behind the pay desk who was friendly and helpful.

The coupon we had said that seats had to be booked in advance. When I rang up to do so, I was met with a half laugh "there's no need to do that just bring the coupon along." The cinema held about 200 and there were about 12 of us there. So I can see his point.

As for the film. Well the Best Exotic Marigold Hotel was entertaining, plainly ridiculous and really corny. Basically it's about a group of British retirees seduced to move to India by promises of a luxury lifestyle in the restored Marigold Hotel which turns out to be more of a shell than anything else. The film chronicles their friendships and the way their lives are transformed in the hustle bustle of Jaipur. It's one of those films where characters' views on life and the universe are changed in an instant moment of something being said to them - a kind of epiphany. Usually life just isn't like that. It was a good idea, but sadly just didn't come off.

Interested to find out the actual age of the main actors and actresses. They were as follows  Maggie Smith 77, Bill Nighy 62, Judi Dench 77, Penelope Wilton 65, Tom Wilkinson 63, Celie Imrie 59 and Ronald Pickup 71.

This morning the tale of the microwave oven came to a conclusion. The damn thing stopped working a week ago just a couple of weeks within its guarantee period. It cost £38. Sanyo said it wasn't worth repairing and I needed to contact Amazon where I bought it. They were very helpful but the result is I had to find a box, pack it up, put on an Amazon pre-paid envelope and post it. Obviously it cost me nothing. Had I paid for the postage it would have been £22. So really was all the effort worth it? I would have been better taking it to the household dump!!

Whilst shopping in Norwich found a ridiculously low priced new DVD and CD shop which is seriously going to damage HMV which is only a matter of yards away. In HMV Sergeant Pepper and Let it Be by the Beatles were £8 each. In the new shop they were £5 for the two.

Had it confirmed this morning that the new village running club which I'm helping to set-up will take place at Hethersett Junior School for six weeks from April 19th. Good news.

One Show, White Heat, Dry the River and Coastguard Closures

I usually enjoy the One Show but last night it was sickly and over the top. Main guest was "Hollywood Legend" Goldie Hawn. I was expecting the usual glamorous Goldie but what a disappointment. I think the Botox has just gone too far!!! Goldie was effervescing about a new project but the whole programme was a sickly pat on the back.

Matt Baker can be cringingly good at this and last night he was in top form. Louise Minchen was the other presenter in place of the poorly Alex Jones. To start the evening she looked as if somebody had sat on her hair. She seemed to have it re-arranged during the programme, however. As far as Goldie was concerned everything was either "awesome" or "amazing." Occasionally she downgraded to just "great." Matt wasn't going to be left behind, however. He described the Hollywood Legend as "brilliant and absolutely fantastic" and did this on numerous occasions. When Goldie informed him, after an article on driving lessons, that she had learnt to drive in Maryland he was off again: "That's amazing." Mind you I have driven in Maryland so he might just have a point there. By the end of the programme I needed the sick bucket.

Also watched the first episode of a new serial White Heat which follows a number of flatmates from the swinging sixties to the present day. It started rather slowly but by the end I was beginning to form some kind of affinity to the characters who were beginning to develop nicely. There were a number of hints that in coming episodes relationships will become rather strained. The programme also cut to the present day where one of the female characters said to another "There isn't a day go buy without me regretting what I did to you." I look forward to future episodes when things should unravel.

Another album to crow about. Have been enjoying Shallow Bed by Dry the River, a London folk/rock kind of band. I note they are playing Norwich Arts Centre soon so must book my tickets.

Can't leave today's blog without once again having another go at the Government for the coming planned closure of coastguard stations. This is folly of the most ridiculous kind and will cost lives. I understand Great Yarmouth coastguard station is due to close in the very near future. These are example of Government cuts that will cost lives.

Cut the Politics to 10 seconds

I genuinely feel sorry for the thousands of charities who are struggling for donations in our current economic climate. Every day mail comes through our door pointing out that just £2 a month will be able to do this or that. Unfortunately they all end up in the bin. Multiply that £2 a month by all the charity requests and you would run into hundreds of pounds a month. So it is easier to ditch the lot. Doesn't mean we don't care but I prefer to put my time and effort into supporting events in our village and in Norfolk that raise money for various charities.

I wouldn't call charity requests junk mail but I would call party political broadcasts junk television. Last night we had Prime Minister David Cameron  telling us his party had cut petrol duty. Note to PM - It's probably not a good time to point this out when the prices at the pumps have hit an all time high. It's how much we have to pay that is the key here and not to whom the money goes.

I could seriously shorten party political broadcasts by allowing each party just 10 seconds on air. I am sure it would go something like this:

Conservatives - "We are probably the best government you have ever had. We are doing a brilliant job and your life is so much better than in the bad old days of the Labour Government"

Labour - "The Conservative government is probably the worst government this country has ever had. They are making a disaster of governing. It would be so much better if we were in power."

Liberal Democrats - "We support the Government at the moment but if there was a general election tomorrow we wouldn't quite know what to do, but we would support the party likely to win as we have no policies of our own anymore."

Admittedly the Lib Dems broadcast might be a second or two longer but let's face it they need every nano second they can snatch.

Had an excellent meeting last night to discuss the future of our village football club and how it meshes in with other sports clubs and the village sports association. We are now putting together a document promoting the club and the work we do with young people in the village. Currently we run 14 teams for all ages and I am very proud to be chair of what is generally accepted to be one of the best run clubs in the county (sounds like my very own party political broadcast).

The Blind Side

Stayed up late last night to finish watching the film The Blind Side and thoroughly enjoyed it. The fact that it is based on a true story gave it huge credibility.

I really hate the sickly schmaltzy American films that show no-hopers becoming world beaters through training and encouragement. Films like the Mighty Ducks where a group of losers are coached to become winners in an entirely puke inducing way that only the Americans can come up with and which has been copied in so many Movies over the years.

The Blind Side is schmaltzy but it is believable and hugely entertaining and Sandra Bullock puts in an excellent and totally believable performance as Leigh Anne Tuohy. For those who haven't seen it, the film chronicles the life of American Footballer Michael Oher who comes out of the American Black ghettos and is adopted by a rich white family. Through their love, support and encouragement he gains a high school degree and becomes one of the top Footballers of his generation.

It may sound sickly but it is treated in a very loving and gentle way and is an immensely enjoyable film.

Today it's pouring with rain again so I will be doing Hethersett Sports Association, Hethersett Football Club and various other bits and pieces ahead of a football club meeting tonight where we are going to discuss the future of the club and how we take it forward.

Corrie or Eastenders - Simples!

Corrie or Eastenders - simples. Coronation Street has relatively decent story lines and some humour. Eastenders has hackneyed stories, appalling characters and most of the action surrounds people shouting at each other. Mind you Corrie has had its fair share of psychos and last night another one met a sticky end. Frank Foster got his just desserts and I for one will be sorry to see him go as I think actor Andrew Lancel was excellent and completely believable which is more than can be said about some of the cardboard acting in Eastenders.

A very good Hethersett Memorial Playing Field meeting last night. Lots of good things planned for this open space from sports to a memorial garden, picnic areas to wild areas. It's such a vast expanse of land that the sky is almost the limit. We desperately do need to replace the appalling changing block with something more worthy, particularly in light of news that another developer is planning to build over 160 new houses in the village on top of the 1,200 already envisaged.

Must catch up on watching the film The Blind Side which quite intrigued me when I watched the first half hour yesterday.

Foul Day in Norfolk is no Yoke!!

An absolutely foul day weather-wise in Norfolk. Last week the temperature got up to 17 degrees. Today it barely made three. There was a large wind and lashing rain all day. Yuck.

Only managed to listen to the new Bruce Springsteen of all the albums I had wanted to sample today and it didn't have a great impact. Saw a Virgin advert on television which started with the opening theme to Mike Oldfield's Tubular Bells. Made me want to listen to the whole album which is one of my favourite. The problem I have with Mike Oldfield is that he then continued to churn out variations on that album for the rest of his career and it all became slightly tedious after Ommadawn and Hergest Ridge.

Tonight I have to brave the elements for a Memorial Playing Field Trustees' meeting where we will be talking quite a lot about the old fashioned jubilee fayre being held in June. At the moment I'm looking to organise the Norfolk egg throwing championships and that's no yoke!!!

Nick Drake - just one of the Madmen

I am currently reading a book entitled All the Madmen by Clinton Heylin.Very interested in sections about the folk artist Nick Drake who has had such an influence on so many singer-songwriters. Drake was so painfully shy that he rarely communicated in any way other than through his music.

It seems Drake had plenty to say but could only do it through the lyrics of his songs. His songs continue to inspire. As a person, however, he appears to have been a real "pain in the arse." I often find myself much more able to communicate through written words. That way there is no opposition. You can take your time to say the things you want to say. But ultimately writers have to be able to communicate both directly and indirectly.

Last night enjoyed a church quiz in Milton Keynes, coming second out of 10 teams, which wasn't bad and I was pleased that we managed to get 10 out of 10 in the music round. I seem to have a fairly in depth knowledge of Susan Boyle and Robbie Williams!!!!!

Today had a difficult journey back to Norfolk due to appalling weather conditions of rain, sleet and freezing temperatures that made driving difficult and slow going. Thankfully I was able to listen to Johnny Walker's Sounds of the Seventies on Radio Two which helped pass the time. I made it home within the duration of the show which was just as well because next up was Paul O'Grady. I actually have nothing against O'Grady but he is no DJ. I have little time for so called DJs who spend most of the time talking and indeed talking about themselves rather than playing or showing any knowledge of the music. I know this is something I have mentioned before and I'm sure it's something I will mention again.

Got back home to find a large article in the weekly newspaper about the launch of our new running club in Hethersett in April. Now all we have to do is establish a date, a venue and get some people there. I was quoted at length in the article as chair of the Hethersett and Meltons Sports Association. At least I cannot claim to be misquoted as I wrote the article.

Apparently tomorrow is going to be another dreadful day weather-wise so I will catch up with listening to new albums by the likes of Sinead O'Connor, Bruce Springsteen, Katie Melua and a few more. It promises to be an interesting new release Monday.

So Englebert Humperdinck at the grand age of 76 is going to represent us in the Eurovision Song Contest. Just what is that all about?

I certainly feel another nil points coming on. I have always loved Eurovision for its cod cheesiness and inability to be of the real world in any way whatsoever. But getting somebody so old school in to try to re-address the obvious failings of the past few years seems to be a ridiculous ploy. We seem to have gone from a group of total no hopers droning out ridiculously awful songs to the other side of the spectrum. The last few years have seen the most appalling entries from the UK - songs with virtually no merit whatsoever. Now we seem have moved from the sublime to the ridiculous.

For one of the two countries that defined rock and pop music we have come up with dross piled on more dross. Featuring somebody approaching his 80s is surely not going to change this.

Spent yesterday afternoon visiting the wonderful National Trust property at Stowe near Buckingham. Lovely Lakeside walks and a wonderfully relaxing place - just what the doctor ordered.

Why do people give up things for Lent? What exactly is the point? Have heard this weekend of people giving up cheese and coffee. Sounds like tokenism gone made to me.

Sell Up Time

So the dastardly decision has been made. I have decided to sell my vinyl LP collection - if the price is right of course.

Today we are off to Milton Keynes for the weekend. Stopping on the way at a National Trust property at Stowe just outside Buckingham. Will tell you all about the weekend when we get back on Sunday.

Two Sad Deaths, Madness and New Faces

We start today with two pieces of really sad news with the deaths of David Rathband and Davy Jones.

Isn't it funny how some days kick you in the teeth almost as soon as they start? The case of David Rathband is such a sad one. Having a son who is a police officer and having spent 15 years working for the police I am all too aware of the dangers our officers face every day of the week. PC David Rathband was blinded when he was shot in the face by gunman Raoul Moat. It is impossible to grasp what David must have gone through from that time - coming to terms not only with his injuries and blindness but also the breakdown of his marriage. Apparently in the last few days his behaviour had become extremely erratic. This is a sad day for all law abiding people.

Davy Jones was just 66 and died of a heart attack in America. As lead singer of the Monkees he was a typical late 1960s funster. I remember him not only for the Monkees TV series but also for his short lived role as Ena Sharples' nephew in Coronation Street and also for his appearance in Godspell in Norwich many years ago.

The Monkees were just a fun group. Often attacked for not playing their instruments and being largely Media made, they nevertheless had talented people in Mike Nesmith, Peter Tork and Mickey Dolenz and Davy Jones. Their madcap antics led to them metamorphosing into real musicians and I still listen to their early albums. They were the band to have a hit with "Daydream Believer" a song written by one of my favourite American songwriters John Stewart.So a said day.

Last night I paid my second visit to the Grapevine at Bedfords in Norwich. I mentioned this venue in a previous blog where I saw the superb Ana Silvera. Last night's line-up was never going to match Ana's performance but what value we had again for  the £5 admission money.

The evening started with Cole Stacey who played an interesting and enjoyable set backed up by Joseph O'Keefe, a multi-instrumentalist who I soon came to hate (only joking). Joseph not only played jazz piano, but also violin and guitar. I bet he can play any number of other instruments as well. Anyway Cole is well worth checking out. He was followed by Cara Winter who has a lovely voice and then the headliner from Wales Jack Harris who has an interesting voice. If I had a criticism it is that Cara and Jack's self penned material was at times quite weak. But it was still a damn good evening.

It did mean I missed all the international football which, seeing the results, was probably a good thing. England lost 3-2 to Holland. I think by and large that friendly internationals are a waste of time with players pulling out before games. They prove nothing.

Another of my pet hates yesterday - a cold caller. I hate being annoyed on the telephone or via personal visits by people trying to sell things I have no interest in. It's an intrusion on my privacy that I have not asked for or invited. This one wasn't so bad, however, as it was from Talk Talk, a company I get my Broadband and telephone from. The main problem is the young people knocking on doors are working to a set script from which they can't deviate. So when I asked about getting rid of my paper billing and a few other queries instead of giving me the right answer which would have been "let me take your name and contact details and I will get somebody to sort it out." What I got was something along the lines of "I suggest you contact the company and ask them to sort it out." In other words "I haven't been trained to answer such questions so please leave me alone so I can knock on somebody else's door."

I have just started reading what could be a very interesting book entitled "All the Madmen" by Clinton Heylin - the story of how six rock stars travelled to the edge of sanity in the years following the summer of love. The six in question are Pete Townsend of The Who, Ray Davies of the Kinks, Peter Green of the original Fleetwood Mac and not the pale imitation poppy group that later came into existence, Syd Barrett of Pink Floyd, Nick Drake and David Bowie. All were or are geniuses in their own way. Should I be worried that these are some of my all time music heroes and people I still listen to regularly? Am I therefore just a tad mad myself?

The book opens in interesting fashion with a discussion on the merits of anti psychiatrist R. D. Laing who undertook a lot or work into psychosis. Here is part of an entry in Wikipedia about Laing. "He took the expressed feelings of the individual patient or client as valid descriptions of lived experience rather than simply as symptoms of some separate or underlying disorder." Laing himself suffered from alcoholism and clinical depression which may or may not have made him the right person to talk about psychosis (depends on how much stock you put on personal experience here). Laing also had six sons and four daughters by four different women which later led to one of his sons saying "It was ironic that my father became well known as a family psychiatrist, when, in the meantime, he had nothing to do with his own family.." But I digress.
 
A number of years ago I studied for a Masters Degree at the University of East Anglia and can remember upsetting one of my fellow students early on with my views about the pointless lives of many people. I think she felt I was being a snob when I said that many people have empty lives of no meaning. They get up in the morning, go to work, come home, have tea, watch televisions and then repeat this endlessly. I was not suggesting that this was a bad thing but simply a fact and based on a number of my own relatives and my own experiences whilst growing up. To me this kind of existence is a waste of a life.

Anyway when I explained myself I got on very well with this other person who accepted that I wasn't looking down my nose at other people. I haven't seen this kind of view put quite as starkly as Laing does in his book "Sanity, Madness and the Family" where he formulates a view that "normal families" (whatever that term may mean as nobody has ever been able to explain to me exactly what normal means) are at least as disturbed as dysfunctional families. He has this to say:

"Every member of the families totally fitted - getting up and going to work, and going to school and coming back and watching television and doing nothing and going to bed. Nothing to say really. To get them to say anything about anything was almost impossible. They thought about nothing, they said nothing very much, they were just fucking dead and there was no edge, or no sharpness, or no challenge .... Just fuck all, an endless drone, about nothing... and these were the people who were not in despair."

So that started me thinking about the juxtaposition of being: If Madness is in fact sanity, could conversely sanity in fact be madness? Are people we consider to be normal actually mad and are people we consider to be mad actually normal? Because at the end of the day what does the term normal mean anyway?

Taken to the furthest point this idea of juxtaposition could equate with feelings about religion and God. Perhaps the concept of God as a being or energy force is not a model for good but a model for evil.

I don't necessarily subscribe to those thoughts but it does make some kind of perverted sense.

Anyway from the sublime to the ridiculous. Yesterday I was catching up with some television programmes recorded over the year (I still want to say taped despite no tape being involved) and came across a kind of Where are They Now programme based on a final of the New Faces talent show which came somewhere between the original Opportunity Knocks and today's X Factor crap.

Marti Caine (remember her) hosted the New Faces final with three judges sitting in a balcony looking and behaving a bit like Statler and Waldorf from the Muppets. There was comedian Jim Davidson, impresario and Everton FC chairman Bill Kenwright and somebody else whose name escapes me. Anyway this programme looked at the finalists from 1986 and saw how their careers?? had progressed or not as the case may be. I'm a sucker for these kind of "what did they do next" programmes. Suffice it to say that none of them really made the big time although comedian Billy Pearce is still working as a comic and Gary Lovini the 17 year old violinist who is now middle aged - well I'm sure I saw him on stage during one of our cruises and a check on Google shows that he does still appear on the Oceans of the world. New Faces did bring us some household names such as Joe Pasqale, Lenny Henry, Michael Barrymore, the Chuckle Brothers, Victoria Wood and Jim Davidson.

Incidentally one of the tough nut judges (the Gary Barlow or Simon Cowell of his day) was Clifford Davis who I believe was a journalist with the Daily Mirror. Many years ago I was on a judging panel for a band talent show on the Norfolk coast and Davis was on the panel. I seem to remember he was nowhere near as nasty in real life as he appeared to be on TV!!!!

Finally today a whinge about serious consumer television programmes trying to be funny. I just hate it. They come on at peak viewing time to expose dodgy deals or evil builders and to stick up for the small man in the street. That's great but, being on at prime time, they try to inject some comedy into things, thus lightening the load, making the show more entertaining and proving just what funsters (second time I have used that word today) the presenters can really be. It just doesn't work. If the subject is a serious one treat it in a serious way without the wisecracks. If the con or whatever is serious enough simply unmasking a villain is entertainment enough. The main culprit in this kind of "aren't I a larky chap who really is on the side of the underdog" is probably Matt Allright. Matt is a good enough investigative journalist without lowering what he is achieving with comedy routines that just aren't funny (some of which seem to revolve around a large Dutchman on a motorbike).

I Googled Matt Alright as well and found he is a patron for the SANDS (Stillbirth and Neonatal Death Society), a charity near to our hearts after our first grandchild was stillborn last year. So good on you Matt but stick to the serious stuff Allright?